(2018) Bird Box

Imagine living in a world where you can’t go outside. A world where even looking through the window may kill you. We’re not talking climate change - welcome to Bird Box!

This Netflix movie is based on a book. But there’s no Sandra Bullock in the book, so the movie is obviously better.

So, let’s dive into the plot. Ugh.

Story

Bird Box is about unexplained creatures that come from nowhere and incite people to commit suicide. But only if looked at, and that’s where the blindfolds come in.

For some stupid and plot-convenient reason, these creatures can’t (won’t?) come inside, so our protagonists spend most of the movie safely locked inside a house. Also, birds react to the presence of the creatures, so that’s where the title comes from. It all makes sense now, right?

Sandra’s character, Malorie, is pregnant from the beginning of the movie. But she’s having doubts about being a mother, and she’s scared that she won’t be able to connect with her child. The fat girl from the house is also pregnant, so they talk about motherly stuff and support each other.

Anyway, after the fat girl lets a completely obvious lunatic into the house and he absolutely wrecks them during the co-op childbirth scene, Malorie and the babies get rescued by her romantic interest, Tom.

Tom is a boring, generic action man, by the way. He’s not even in the book. They made him up because God forbid a movie without romance.

They move to the forest, raise the kids (she named them Boy and Girl, because kids suck and names are hard), train them in the ways of the blindfold, and things look like they could work out for them.

After Tom dies in an encounter with more crazy people (who are immune to the creatures and can freely roam around), Malorie is left alone with 2 kids. Her only hope is to go down the river to a sanctuary.

During the descent, as warned over the radio, she’ll have to pick a kid to take the blindfold off and navigate her through the rapids.

But her inner mother finally kicks in and, being a true hero, she opts to save both kids and descends the rapids without any help.

They all live!

The sanctuary turns out to be a school for the blind. Because they can’t see the creatures, get it? Such clever. Also there’s birds everywhere, and surely there’s more than enough food and other supplies for them to live happily ever after. So it’s a happy ending!

Final Verdict

To be completely honest, this is probably not the best Sandra Bullock movie, but it’s not her fault. Her performance was great, the movie sucked around her.

It genuinely feels like a poor man’s Stephen King movie. And that’s saying something, because even Stephen King movies feel like poor man’s Stephen King movies.

Netflix got one thing right, though. There’s nothing more horrifying than a world where you get to be around Sandra, but you have to wear a blindfold. The horror!

Category	Rating
Story	03 / 10
Characters	05 / 10
Sandra Bullock on-screen-time	10 / 10
The fact that Tom dies	10 / 10
FINAL RATING	10 / 10